


Black Off

by boxuan



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bad Ending, F/F, Fluff, Love Triangles, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 05:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxuan/pseuds/boxuan
Summary: Momo loves Nayeon, Nayeon loves Sana, Sana loves Momo. Momo’s feelings change and so do Nayeon’s priorities. Sana isn’t aware of her role as a pawn. (They all get hurt.)





	Black Off

Momo considers herself both a personality and looks person - she came for Nayeon’s pretty face and stayed for her generous heart, even if it’s stored behind thick walls. And even though Momo is faithful to her feelings and can barely look at someone else than Im Nayeon, she has to admit Im Nayeon’s girlfriend is a close second to everything Nayeon has to offer.

It’s like they were made for each other.

Sana can act out everything - sexy, chic, cute behavior - as Nayeon naturally is all of that already. Sana is gifted with a big heart but Momo only wants Nayeon’s anyway. Even though Momo believes Sana is lukewarm and Nayeon is burning, she has to admit they are kind of perfect together.

Momo has come to the conclusion that Sana and Nayeon are very much alike and therefore very good partners for each other.

Weirdly enough, they’re a trio. She and Sana still don’t know each other well - Sana doesn’t quite understand Momo’s definition of physical privacy -, yet Momo actually isn’t sure Sana and Nayeon hang out alone, as a couple, that often. Since she still feels like she sees her best friend every day (waves at her in school as their schedules are dividing them most of the time).

  
  


Momo slides onto the seat next to Nayeon, facing Sana, and starts unwrapping her burger. “Hi, Momo”, Sana says and leans her chin on her hands, her elbows on the table, leaning forward and closer to her.

“How was your class?”

“She had Chemistry, how could it have been”, Nayeon snarls. “I like Chemistry”, Sana claims and wiggles her brows at Nayeon, who grins immediately. “Like the one between the both of us.”

Momo will probably be always amazed by Sana’s ability to flirt lightly as if she wasn’t already in a relationship. (She’s dazed.)

  
  


When they’re eating - Nayeon her salad and Momo her cheese burger - Sana leans towards Nayeon to steal a kiss then and now, and Nayeon seems to prolong them a little bit more with every one. Momo doesn’t know where to lay her eyes, so she just demonstratively sips on her coke and eyes the ceiling. (She ignores the quiet sting in her heart when she sees Nayeon’s eyes sparkling from love.)

“What are you doing this afternoon, Hirai?”, Nayeon eventually asks, chewing on a piece of lettuce. “Going to the cinema with us?”, Sana steps in almost immediately, as if she had read Nayeon’s thoughts. Momo smiles a crooked grin and swallows the soda in her mouth. “What movie are we watching?”

  
  


Momo knows she had agreed lightheartedly, but it’s still _weird_. What makes the whole situation even more peculiar is that Sana sits in the middle of Nayeon and Momo - even though Nayeon is supposed to be the piece that glues their odd group together.

“Are you enjoying the movie, Momo?”, Sana leans in and whispers in Momo’s ear. A scent of roses - Sana’s favorite perfume, undoubtedly - hits Momo and she feels goosebumps crawling onto her neck.

“Uh, yeah, I am”, Momo splutters back, at loss of words with Sana’s pretty face that close to her. Sana smiles (shines, _god_ , is she the actual sun?) and turns her head towards the movie again. Momo notices Nayeon eyes the scene of the both of them and then grabs Sana’s hand.

  
  


“I didn’t like the movie”, Nayeon pouts, clinging onto Sana, when they step out of the cinema. Momo blinks against the sudden light while Sana rubs Nayeon’s arm. “We will watch a better one next time, don’t worry!”, Sana kisses her on the cheek. Nayeon seems to be a lot happier than before.

  
  


(They watch a romance movie next time and, needless to say, Nayeon is all happy with Sana by her side and half on her lap.)

  
  


“She isn’t coming?”, Momo asks, and Sana nods. “She has got activities for a club coming up, something bureaucratic, I think.” _Head girl duties_ , Momo immediately thinks, but she doesn’t speak it out loud. Sana doesn’t know Nayeon as long as she does, after all. She can’t know her like Momo does. (She can’t love her like Momo does.)

  
  


They’re walking side to side, heading to the cafe, an awkward silence floating around their heads. Momo keeps wanting to say something, but she has no idea on what topic she could possibly talk about with _Sana Minatozaki_. If she thinks about it, Momo believes this is the first time she’s spending time with her alone.

  
  


“So", Momo starts, “how did you and Nayeon meet?”

“Oh?”, Sana exclaims, “I had no idea she never told you.”

  
  


Somehow, Momo is taken aback by the careless comment. As if Sana was trying to show her that there was something about Nayeon Momo didn’t know. As if she was trying to beat in a category whose name Momo can’t seem to catch.

  
  


“I only came to Korea half a year ago and Nayeon showed my a bit of the city”, Sana hums, not noticing Momo’s shifted mood, “I think your school has a program that takes care of foreigners? Nayeon and I met up and did a small sightseeing tour.” Sana smiles brightly. “I fell in love at once!” Momo grins at her clutching her chest and then lowers her gaze.

  
  


She has to change her mind, Sana is cuter than Nayeon. Looking at Sana makes one’s heart flutter just by looking at her smile. Though Momo doesn’t quite trust the innocence Sana gives off with every pore of her body.

(She kind of gets why Nayeon dates her.)

  
  


“Why did you come to Japan?”, Momo asks, half because she wants to carry the conversation, half because she genuinely wants to know. Sana is something else. And, if Nayeon and her are a couple, Momo will do her best to befriend her. For Nayeon’s sake, of course.

Sana smiles sheepishly. “My parents have business here. I really didn’t want to go originally. They basically had to pull me into the plane.” Momo blinks, not having excepted Sana opening up immediately. It’s refreshing, though, and makes Momo like her more. A lot more, in fact. She has always preferred open people to closed off ones. (Which is weird, because Im Nayeon is a very very closed off person. It doesn’t matter. The hearts wants what it wants and Momo isn’t one to go and change that.)

  
  


“When did you come?”, Sana asks and smiles at the waitress when she arrives at their table. They quickly order - strawberry cake for Sana, cheesecake for Momo and coffee for both -, and once they’re alone again, Momo thinks about it. “When I was… about four? My older sister did a year abroad here and wanted to stay in the end, so my parents and I kind of followed.”

Sana nods thoughtfully and Momo shrugs. “They immediately loved it here, so we actually never talked about moving back.”

“Would you?”

Momo blinks. “Would I do what?”

“Go back if you could”, Sana says, leaning on her folded hands under her chin. Momo curls her lips. “Probably not. My friends are here, after all. Would you?”

Sana shots her a look Momo can’t quite name.

“No”, she answers eventually, “I’ve got my people here, too.”

  
  


“Do you want to go to the aquarium?”, Sana asks Momo when they step out of the cafe. “Nayeon never wants to. She says it’s boring.”

“Yeah, that sounds like her”, Momo snorts and Sana laughs. Momo catches herself staring at Sana’s smiling lips and her round cheeks and quickly looks away as her heart jumps a little in her chest. (It’s weird. Only Nayeon can do that to her.)

“Wait”, Sana loses her smile and suddenly stops. “What is it?”, Momo asks, narrowing her brows when trying to figure out what could be wrong.

“The light is perfect.”

Before she can react Sana has pulled Momo next to her and takes a picture with her phone, the cafe in the background. “Pretty, right?” Sana indeed looks pretty. Momo, on the other hand, looks simply confused, her nose is crunched up in an unflattering way and there’s a hair strand in her face. “Pretty”, Momo agrees. The photo Sana seems to beam harder.

  
  


They had a nice day, after all, and temporarily Momo even managed to forget that Nayeon wasn’t with them (that Nayeon was originally supposed to come with them). Sana gives her a tight hug and a kiss on her cheek - leaving a rose smudge on Momo’s skin she doesn’t notice until she’s home - before they separate. Momo doesn’t flinch when Sana touches her, unlike the several times before. Maybe they have found their connection.

  
  


When Momo arrives at home (and has cleaned her face), Sana has already sent her the picture. After staring at it for a while (without noticing her own face, really, she has only eyes for the radiating beauty next to her) she puts it as her lock screen.

  
  


The next week, Nayeon doesn’t have head girl duties (or at least none she couldn’t procrastinate in order to spend times with her girlfriend and her best friend).

But now, when they go through the city, Sana is holding Momo’s hand too. Even though Momo never felt excluded, she wasn’t fully included, but _now_ she is. And Nayeon doesn’t seem to mind as she still steals kisses from Sana. (Though it seems like it’s not as frequent, not as returned. Maybe Momo is imagining things.)

“Here, Momo, try this hat on”, Sana says and puts an obnoxiously _ugly_ green fedora on Momo’s head before she can protest. Nayeon lets out a laugh. “You look great, Hirai!”

They’re in a second hand shop, for fun mostly, and playing dress up is indeed fun when Sana isn’t trying to humiliate her and crush her dignity. Nayeon is wearing an old fashioned devil costume while Sana looks like Batman with her black leather dress (Momo chose it for her).

“So no Peter Pan for you today?”, Sana pouts and takes off the hat, with great caution so she doesn’t mess up Momo’s hair. Nayeon watches her movements with a sudden unexpressed face.

“Then try this on.” Momo wants to complain, but one does not say no to Minatozaki Sana. (Especially not if she’s accompanied by her girlfriend Im Nayeon.)

So she gets into the tinker bell costume and Sana squeaks when she sees her. “You look so cute, Momo!”

“Pretty, Hirai”, Nayeon grins. Momo’s cheeks warm. “Let’s undress again. Wanna go ice skating?”

“No, I need to take a picture first!” Sana bounces up her seat and naturally pulls Momo close to her when she presses the button. She smiles at the picture and then, - it’s weird - Momo think she sees guilt flashing over her face.

  
  


“Nayeon, can you take the picture?”, Sana quickly asks, bright as ever, and now clings to Nayeon’s side all at once, kissing her cheek when Nayeon takes a couple of selfies, grinning into the camera. Momo smiles by herself, awkwardly shifting her weight from one leg to the other while waiting. Finally, _finally_ they’re done and Sana lets go of Nayeon (her glued fingertips finally let go).

  
  


  
  


They make memories, memories full of gold. The only person Momo’s has gotten to know this quickly was Nayeon, and she’s in love with her.

  
  


Which makes her think–

But.

She doesn’t like Sana that way.

_No way._

  
  


  
  


Momo’s at edge, more than usually. Nayeon is nowhere to be seen and she is slowly starting to wind between the masses of drunk people trying to dance without stumbling. Momo bites on her lip, pressing her back closer to the wall. This isn’t her scene, not at all, she has never been the type for grand parties. Yet she stands here. Nayeon just had to ask her with those sulking lips and big eyes and Momo was wax in her slender hands.

Momo breathes in slowly and chews on the inside of her cheek. She knew they shouldn’t have went separated, Nayeon tends to bath in a party’s spotlight, but sometimes, she’s just not findable. Like today.

  
  


“Enjoying yourself?” Jeongyeon comes up to her, tapping on Momo’s shoulder. Momo can’t help but scoff and Jeongyeon’s lightly mocking expression falls.

“What is it, Jeong?”

It comes out sharper than intended.

Jeongyeon blinks at her, then decides not start a fight. (They have been like that lately – snapping at each other for dumb, trivial things. Momo hates it, but something inside her is tense and she cannot help it.)

“Can I ask you something, Momo?”, she eventually asks, quietly and takes a long breath when Momo nods shortly.

“You really like her, don’t you?”, Jeongyeon stares into the distance. Momo doesn’t need to ask about who she is talking about.

  
  


“We’ve been best friends for years.”

“Not what I meant.”

  
  


Momo keeps quiet and Jeongyeon sighs. “You know I don’t particularly like her, but- I mean, it’s just… you change when you’re with her.” She stops. “I’m not saying she is not a good person, but maybe she’s just not good for you.”

Momo is a sheep, she really is. She never felt the urge to pick a fight or even engage in one, but now irritation is furrowing her eyebrows. And even though she loves Jeongyeon, a “ _To hell with it_ ” escapes her lips and she winds herself through the crowd before Jeongyeon can hold her back.

  
  


She mutters a quick apology towards a girl who tripped because she pushed her accidentally and climbs up the stairs to have a better overview of the party. (She doesn’t take too much steps so Jeongyeon won’t see her.) Momo’s eyes hush around when she hears a sound above her.

And then, Nayeon appears on the top of the stairs with eyes that don’t seem to be able to focus on anything, clinging to the banister, swaying like a sole leaf in a storm. Simple put, she’s not okay. A swear escapes out of Momo’s lips and she starts pushing the people around her away to get through.

“Where’s Sana?”, Momo asks Nayeon as she trips into her arms. “What’s wrong? Are you drunk?”, she quickly adds, noticing she had put Sana above her in a list of priorities.

Nayeon clings onto Momo’s shirt’s sleeves as she slowly finds balance. “Broke up.”

Momo can’t see Nayeon’s face - it’s way too dark, the striking lights flashing over them are more disturbing than helping.

  
  


“She broke up? Or did you?”

  
  


Momo doesn’t hate anything about Im Nayeon - _hell_ , how could she? -, but her inability to just talk to her about things is sure irritating. With hasty fingers Momo runs her hand through Nayeon’s bangs, trying to catch a glimpse of her face - to identify her expression. While Nayeon is able to lie smoothly while maintaining a straight face, Momo is one of the few - the only one, even - to break the facade.  
Slowly, with reverence puckering in her fingertips, Momo cups her cheek when Nayeon finally locks eyes with her.

And they are black.

  
  


Nayeon’s lips curl into something that others could identify as a crooked smile, but it just makes Momo’s guts turn.

  
  


“I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I’ve asked.”

  
  


Momo’s boldness vanishes as Nayeon scoffs, the more or less pretty expression changing into a grimace that gives Momo goosebumps. “Whatever”, she waves it off and turns on her heels to head somewhere else. Momo doesn’t know where’s aiming to, but she assumes it’s just wherever Momo isn’t. She’s already leaning forward to grab Nayeon’s wrist - to make her stay - but she feels like the touch will burn her. The thought of Nayeon stumbling through this party, half drunk and - probably - with a broken heart stings way more, though, so she runs after her.

  
  


They have been like this since they knew each other. Nayeon leading and Momo following. She isn’t complaining, of course - she adores her.  
But, sometimes, in situations like these, it just _sucks._

  
Momo grabs Nayeon’s wrist and pulls her back to herself. Nayeon stumbles against her chest - after another growth spurt from last year Momo’s chin is about the height of Nayeon’s forehead.  
Nayeon breathes through gritted teeth. “Let’s go home”, Momo mumbles, her voice shaking as she speaks into Nayeon’s hair.

  
  


Nayeon lets Momo pull her to Momo’s car, but only because she can’t walk on her own anymore, Momo is sure. Her expression changes into a grimace as she smells the alcohol out of Nayeon’s breath - it stings in her eyes - and pulls her closer to her when a group of boys whistle after them. They lump to Momo’s old Ford Territorial and after Momo basically throws the half asleep, half awaken, fully broken Nayeon onto the passenger seat, she sits down in front of the steering wheel. Nayeon’s head has sunken onto her chest, and her calm breathing assures Momo at least so much she turns on the engine and starts driving.

Momo wants to turn the radio on - everything is better than this suffocating silence the night tends to bring -, but because Nayeon is now fast asleep, she doesn’t. Of course. Nayeon comes before anything else, always. It has always been like this, Momo isn’t sure if it’s ever going to change. (She has a feeling about that, though. She doesn’t like it.)

  
At least there is a certain steadiness in holding the wheel with both hands ; Momo stares onto whatever she can grasp in the pitch black darkness in front of her. She flinches when Nayeon’s phone starts vibrating, oddly similar to an wasp getting angrier and angrier. Nayeon frowns and her eyes flutter open. “You alright?”, Momo whispers, barely being able to unglue her eyes from Nayeon to actually watch the street again. Nayeon doesn’t answer and fishes her phone out of her pocket. Her movements are idle, so Momo can easily tell herself she didn’t hear her. More or less easily. Not that easily.

  
Nayeon blinks rapidly when her phone’s brightness hits her, looks at the display, winds her side’s window down and - throws her phone out of the car. Momo resists the overwhelming urge to close her eyes and groan. She holds her breathe for a moment. “Nayeon, what-” Momo turns her head slightly just to find out Nayeon has fallen asleep again, this time her head laying against the already closed window.

  
Momo just silently adds this to the list “Things to ask Nayeon about”, but, then again, it was probably just related to whatever happened earlier to her.

  
  


Momo turns the steering wheel, drives onto Nayeon’s parking lot and turns the machine off. She leans against her headrest and turns her head to look at Nayeon.  
She kind of makes the night lighter, even when asleep. Her hair is listless, her skin bloated and puffy, the hot pink lipstick - Nayeon’s favorite - on her mouth smudged. She’s still the most beautiful person Momo has ever seen, taking her breath away quite literally.

  
“Hey, Nayeon, it’s time to wake up”, she whispers, faintly, because her own fatigue is slowly settling down and she still needs to drive the way home. Momo now turns her body - the driving belt holding her back - and unsnaps Nayeon’s one as she wakes up. “Momo?”, Nayeon asks, barely opening neither mouth nor eyes. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.” Momo can only give her a tired smile.

  
  


She can’t quite put her finger on it, but the thanks doesn’t lift her spirits as it would have normally. No, that’s not it - Momo doesn’t feel this empty usually in first place. It has always been Nayeon’s main issue - trying to solve things by herself, trying to keep Momo out of her life, trying to keep Momo uninvolved -, but Momo truly has never had a heart this unsatisfied.

  
Momo crawls on her bed and pulls the blanket over her head. She tries avoiding to think about in what state Nayeon is right now - it’s not working - and then she falls into a dream including stairs, crowds and hot pink lips.

  
  


  
  


Momo envoys the little things in life, at least, she gives her best trying. It’s why she keeps the already fading dream a moment longer when half awake, not willed to let it go yet. But she has to, eventually, as the sweet taste doesn’t linger anymore she slowly gets up.

When she knocks at Nayeon’s door an hour later - showered, brushed hair and after having breakfast -, she doesn’t remember the dream at all.

“Morning, Hirai”, Nayeon mumbles, not having to look at Momo to know it’s her. “Ready?” Momo lifts her hand holding a empty bag, but lowers it right after when she realizes the movement looks stiff and unnatural. Nayeon nods and steps outside, leaving Momo behind as she starts walking.

It’s Sunday, which means it’s Momo’s favorite day of the week. Partly because it’s still the weekend, but mostly because she’s with Nayeon. (She kind of misses Sana’s presence.)

Sunday is their day.

They’re walking side to side, idly, and it’s peace. Momo wants to grab Nayeon’s hand like they sometimes do - these days less frequently, both of their fingers seem to long for Sana’s -, but something’s keeping her from touching Nayeon today. That doesn’t stop her desire, though.

Nayeon shoots Momo a look - and locks her hand with hers. Momo lowers her head. While she’s unable to get through Nayeon most of the times, Nayeon can see through her like she was made out of glass.

“When are you getting a new phone?”, Momo asks quietly. It’s an hidden What happened yesterday, a secret Why did you and Sana break up out of the blue.

Nayeon shrugs, already looking like her old self, nothing like the shattered shadow of herself she was yesterday. “Don’t know. Tomorrow.” The word maybe stands in between them, thickly written out, yet Momo says, “ Tomorrow it is.” Nayeon shows what is similar to the grimace from yesterday.

  
  


Momo is torn - she wants to enjoy the rest of the day to the fullest, but she also wants it to pass in a heartbeat to be able to comfort Nayeon fully. (Which is ridiculous, to say the least, because Nayeon has never been the type to seek consult. Momo wants to know because she wants to keep up the facade that they call their friendship, because, honestly, it’s not how it used to be. Momo isn’t sure if they can go back.)

So she endures and enjoys.

  
  


Their Sunday was average. Normal. Ordinary.

It gives Momo peace, so she agrees to Nayeon sleeping over.

(Disagreeing would mean rolling her out of Momo’s bed at midnight after she already fell half asleep, and Momo doesn’t really have the heart to do that.)

“Good night, Nayeon”, Momo mutters when she falls onto her bed. Nayeon, laying next to her, mumbles something back in Momo’s favorite pillow. (Momo believes she said “Good night, Hirai” but she can’t be sure.)

Momo thinks of Sana’s round cheeks and her shining eyes when she’s smiling as she falls asleep.

  
  


  
  


When Momo wakes up next to Nayeon, her legs are tangled with Nayeon’s and Nayeon’s hand on Momo’s back (the touch burns on he skin). Nayeon looks utterly peaceful in her sleep - unlike her frowning, restless self she is when awake - so Momo rolls on her side with least movements possible and grabs her phone, just to notice it’s turned off. While it’s staring, Momo tries to remember when she used it the last time. Was it even with her on Saturday night? Probably not. Momo has developed the habit of forgetting her phone all the time. (Not necessarily a bad habit, of course, but Nayeon gets irritated every time Momo doesn’t answer her calls.)

Nayeon grunts and Momo turns around, letting her phone be and getting closer to Nayeon. “Good morning”, Momo says. Nayeon groans, moves and accidentally hits Momo in the face.

Momo sighs. This was going to be a great day.

Momo ignores Jeongyeon’s and Dahyun’s blatant and Mina’s subtle stare when she opens the car’s door on Nayeon’s side and runs her fingers through her own - unwashed - hair. After they stood up, they didn’t really have the time to do anything besides getting dressed and hurry to first period.

“What do you have now?”, Momo asks, pulling a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair in a ponytail. Nayeon squints her eyes, obviously trying to remember. She leans against the car’s engine cowling, stuffing her hands in her jacket’s pockets. “Maths?”, she says, “maybe.”

“See you later.” Momo is keen on walking away - shaking off her friends and their questions she know will follow -, so she gives Nayeon a short hug and then hurries to class. Nayeon is staring after her with a blank face.

(Momo can basically hear her friends raising one eye brow.)

  
  


Momo doesn’t see Nayeon all day, which is unsurprising since they don’t have anything together anyway, but she still feels relieved. (She feels so, _so bad_ for it.)

  
  


After she has finished homework and hasn’t got anything better to do, Momo cleans, then she cooks, and afterwards she grabs her phone. She plays with it in her hands, thinking about calling Jeongyeon when it suddenly starts buzzing and Momo almost lets it drop.

It’s Sana calling. For the fourth time, apparently - twice on Saturday night - the party’s night -, once on Sunday morning - when she was with Nayeon - and now. Momo stares at the blinking display for a second before taking the call. “Momo here?”, she says, flinching at the high pitch the words came out with. “Hi, Momo”, a tinny voice answers her, “this is Sana.”

“I know, I have your number”, Momo mumbles instantly, getting a small laughter out of Sana.

“So…”, Momo continues, “why did you call?” She hears Sana exhaling.

“Well, uh”, she laughs again, but her nervousness transfers from Sana’s heart to Momo’s ears. “Maybe we can meet up in our café and talk?”

“Sure”, Momo says, lightly frowning, when Sana quickly adds, “Oh, Momo?”

“Yeah?”

“You probably already figured, but, um, don’t bring Nayeon.”

  
  


Momo thought about when the cafe had turned into their, Sana’s and her own, cafe and honestly, she can’t remember. (She can’t remember when they crossed the mutual-friends-line to the friends zone, sprinting to the best-friend-area.)

So she grabs her earplugs, puts her hair in a pony tail and starts jogging towards their cafe.

  
  


Sana is already sitting on their usual table by the window when Momo arrives. “Hi”, Sana smiles and gestures her to sit in front of her, so Momo does. “Have you already ordered?”, Momo asks while getting down.

“No”, she answers, “listen, I… don’t know what Nayeon has told you, but…”, Sana sighs and leans back on her chair, “I broke up with her. I just think you deserve to know that.”

  
  


_Why,_ Momo wants to ask, _why do you think that?_ But she keeps her mouth shut, nodding slowly, telling her to go on.

  
  


“I’ve liked Nayeon a lot, I really did”, she licks over her lips, “but I… met someone and found out I like them - _love them_ \- more than her.”

  
  


Momo wants to ask who she’s talking about – oh god, _does she?_ \- but Sana looks her in the eyes with such misery she can’t open her mouth.

  
  


“It’s cruel, right?” Sana laughs a third time, and her eyes tear up. The sight of tears brings Momo back to life - crying has always been her soft point -, so she just grabs Sana’s hand instinctively.

  
  


“It would… be more cruel to stay”, she croaks anyway, with a halting voice. “Don’t you think?”

Sana nods and wipes over her eyes after a pause.

  
  


And then, “What kind of cake do you want?”

  
  


Sana had shifted back to her usual goofy self again, but Momo doesn’t trust the peace. She knows Sana too well. Knows that her core is aching and hiding behind a bright shell.

So she laughs and jokes with Sana, both of them ignoring the tense topic. If that’s what she needs to heal.

  
  


  
  


“Have you thought about getting a phone again?”

Nayeon scoffs instantly over her salad. (Of course, on the rare occasions they eat together in the school cafeteria Momo has to ruin it.)

“I did.”

“So?”

Momo really doesn’t know what’s with her these days, but she feels like she’s provoking Nayeon constantly. Before Sana happened, Momo would have never dared.

  
  


“I’m not getting a new one.”

“Are you sure? A phone is”, Momo struggles to find the right words, trying to stay on the metaphorical level, “useful. You’re sure you don’t want to use it?”

Nayeon smashes her plastic fork on the table. “Fuck, Hirai, I’m”, she exhales loudly, “you want to hear why Sana broke up with me? _Fine._ ”

Momo gulps. Nayeon stares her down, and her face turns into a grimace.

“When I told Sana that I- that I had fallen in love with her in the past weeks… well, we both didn’t start dating with a big crush on the other one, so it felt right to… whatever, she told me she’s in love with someone else. And broke up with me.”

Momo bites on her lips. She didn’t dare to put any ideas of what could have happened into her head, but this was scary. Hurting and scary.

“Want to know who Sana loves?”, Nayeon suddenly says, her before strained voice hard and stern again, and Momo immediately shakes her head.

“No”, she whispers, an horrible, horrible idea forming in her heart.

  
  


Sana’s touches getting longer from the first time they met. Sana opening up to her. Sana acting like Momo’s the only one she wants to see. Sana-

  
  


“It’s you, Momo.”

  
  


Momo closes her eyes. _Fuck._

Nayeon stands up with a rushed movement, her chair falling and rumbling when it hits the floor, and goes away, leaving Momo and her messy mind behind.

  
  


  
  


“You know, I never really loved her.”

Momo stares at Nayeon, who calmly flips the page of her magazine.

“What?”

“Sana. I know what I said, but-” Nayeon shrugs without looking at her. “Whatever. I’m over her.”

  
  


Somehow, Momo is _furious_ about her words. She doesn’t know why. (She has a vague idea, something about jealousy and wanting to comfort Nayeon. Maybe. Momo feels closer to her in those rare times Nayeon doesn’t lie to neither herself nor to Momo.)

  
  


“Yeah, _whatever_ ”, Momo repeats, spits, her jaw tensed. She leaves soon after for her class and Nayeon stays alone in the empty classroom they had shared before.

Momo doesn’t see Nayeon’s hand shaking when she turns another page.

  
  


  
  


Momo and Sana spend more, a lot more time together. Nayeon claims she has duties to Momo, and when she doesn’t, she spends time with her friends (her other friends), so Sana and Momo are basically glued together whenever they’re out of school.

Sana is creative.

One time they made a collage out of their shared memories - Sana wrote the captions in Japanese so no one else would be able to understand.

Another time, Sana took her to the cinema and made Momo play truth or dare with her (Momo still hasn’t recovered).

They’ve been to their cafe a hundred times.

  
  


Sana is never boring.

  
  


Momo has the feeling that something has changed.

She doesn’t see Nayeon a lot in school this week, which is normal, but she misses her anyway. (Her heart doesn’t care about separating schedules, it just feels.)

And, because Sana attends a different school, she doesn’t see her either.

She equally misses her.

Momo isn’t sure when Sana has become much more important in her life.

  
  


  
  


Momo remembers when she firstly noticed she fell in love with Im Nayeon. She had thought about her all day, laid in bed and thought about her all night, everything in her mind and body screamed Im Nayeon. And she had thought, well, I really want to be friends with this girl.

(Of course, she was wrong.)

It were Nayeon’s touches that had opened her eyes. Burning sensations so deep she wanted to lean in and get a taste of flaming lips.

  
  


With Sana, it feels different.

  
  


Momo has developed some kind of soft attitude about her. She wants to stroke her hair, cuddle while watching a Disney movie. Maybe. Sana is a kaleidoscope, showing another side of herself to Momo every day. (It never gets dull with her.)

It’s not a big deal when Sana confesses, and maybe that’s why the beginning of Momo’s and her exclusive, new relationship isn’t either.

  
  


(Momo does feel a sting of guilt about Nayeon when Sana kisses her and declares her love to her.)

(Sadly, her urge to prove Nayeon wrong , maybe to make Nayeon jealous, to prove that Im Nayeon did in fact loved Minatozaki Sana, to actually kiss Sana is stronger, so she kisses her back.)

  
  


“You don’t know for long I have been waiting to do this”, Sana sighs in between a kiss, and Momo hums in agreement and pulls her closer. Sana giggles and Momo’s heart feels a bit lighter.

They both don’t hear the doorknob turning.

Momo only turns her head as she notices the person in the room.

  
  


Her smile freezes when Im Nayeon looks her in the face.

  
  


They all pause.

“I’m leaving”, Nayeon mutters, and when she turns on her heels, Momo grabs her wrist before it can turn the doorknob around. There’s a short pause.

“Who”, Nayeon growls and withdraws her hand with a jerk that makes Momo stumble a step back, “the _hell_ do you think you are?”

“Your best friend.” Momo raises her chin and balls her fists to appear brave, but a single hiss from Nayeon makes the energy vanish all at once. Momo can’t measure up to Nayeon. Not even as Sana’s girlfriend.

“You don’t have the right to call yourself that anymore.”

Momo flinches. Nayeon looks dead serious. “Why?”, Momo asks quietly. “You said yourself you’re over her. Where’s the problem?”

Nayeon looks like she has been slapped in the face. “Yeah”, she slowly says, “there is none.” She rips open the door and is gone in a heartbeat.

Momo restlessly runs her hand through her hair and lets herself fall onto a nearby chair.

  
  


  
  


“Did you talk to Nayeon?”, Sana asks when Momo throws herself on the bed next to her. “Yeah”, she mumbles, but when Sana reaches for her hand, she quickly stands up again and starts rummaging around in her bag next to the bed. “Forgot something.” She gets up again and goes into the bathroom without looking back. Sana stares after her and slowly withdraws her hand. When Momo eventually crawls next to her, her back facing Sana, she doesn’t look into her eyes once. Because she knows, if she does, they will be black.

Momo can’t bear the sight a second time.

  
  


  
  


(Momo and Sana get better, but the tense feeling stays like a headache, fading only after a couple of days. She doesn’t know if Sana does, but Momo can’t stop thinking about the incident.)

  
  


  
  


Nayeon is taking a big bite of her burger when Jeongyeon walks up to her table and stops in front of her. Tzuyu, sitting next to Nayeon and between Jihyo, looks up first. “Jeongyeon Unnie?”, she frowns, and Nayeon’s head snaps up.

“What do you want, Yoo?”, she snarls. Jihyo lightly kicks her under the table when Jeongyeon scoffs at her tone.

“I need to talk to you”, she says, nevertheless (though with her teeth gritted).

“Talk, then”, Nayeon says, taking another bite. When Jeongyeon doesn’t move, she swallows and groans.

“Fine”, she sighs and stands up. “See you later, guys.”

Then, Im Nayeon is already heading for the cafeteria’s exit and Jeongyeon has to hurry to catch up.

  
  


Nayeon drags her into an empty classroom and sits down on one of the desks. “So?”, she raises her eyebrows while Jeongyeon bites on her lips, trying to find the right words.

“Momo has been struggling”, she says bluntly and Nayeon’s eyebrows raise a bit higher. “With the whole, you know”, she makes a wide hand gesture ; Nayeon follows it closely with her eyes, “being in love with you thing. Which I never fully understood, to be honest, but Momo is Momo. Momo always wants things that end up hurting her.”

  
  


Nayeon has always been told that she should play poker. She has that lifeless, expressionless face she can put on whenever she wants to.

Because of that certain face - mask - Jeongyeon doesn’t notice Nayeon hasn’t had _a single clue_ that Momo has been in love with her for years until now.

  
  


“It’s not my fault she fell for me”, Nayeon says, croaks, rather, because even the shock is greater, the guilt still tops and reflects on her face. Weirdly enough, it softens Jeongyeon’s face. It’s so unfitting Nayeon wants to throw up. _Momo is in love with her._

  
  


“Please”, Jeongyeon grabs Nayeon’s wrist ; Nayeon lets her, which gives Jeongyeon the courage to finish her sentence, “don’t break her heart.”

  
  


  
  


It’s when Momo thinks about Sana she realizes all at once. Nayeon and her aren’t what they used to be. And her feelings are just the same.

  
  


They have changed. Momo’s feelings have shifted, she just can’t recall when exactly.

Maybe the movement had started when she met Sana, probably when she started to prefer Sana’s soft _Momo_ to Nayeon’s sassy _Hirai_. She doesn’t know, and in the end it doesn’t really matter.

  
  


What does matter is that she thinks she genuinely likes Sana. Loves, even.

They don’t have what Momo thinks she and Nayeon could have had.

  
  


But maybe, it could be even better.

  
  


Momo believes they have a chance.

She grabs her phone and dials Sana’s number.

  
  


  
  


Sana’s face changes when she opens her door and Nayeon stands in front of her, but Nayeon’s doesn’t. “Hey, Sana”, she says, “we have to talk. It’s about Momo.”

Sana closes the door after Nayeon steps in.

Nayeon talks and talks and talks. Sana listens.

  
  


Momo calls Sana thrice, but she isn’t picking up.

  
  


Sana ignores her phone ringing to listen to Nayeon talk a little bit more. (Her world is falling apart as she speaks.)

  
  


When Momo calls a third, one last time, Sana finally picks up. She doesn’t say a word, but Momo is so excited to confess - to genuinely confess - she doesn’t notice.

(Oh, how she better had noticed.)

  
  


“Hi”, Momo beams, a bit out of breathe. “Sana, I need to talk to you.” Sana remains silent while Momo prepares herself.

  
  


“Sana, I love you.” The smile on Momo’s face widens. “I know we haven’t had that… talk yet, but”, she exhales, “I love you. You’re important to me. Sana Minatozaki, I love you. I love love love love you. I can’t get enough of you.”

  
  


“Did you started this thing with me to make Nayeon jealous?”

  
  


Momo thinks she heard wrong. She must have.

“What?”, she whispers, and even though they’re miles away, she knows Sana well enough to know what she’s doing right now.

(Sana closes her eyes.)

  
  


“Nayeon told me you’ve been loving her for years.”

“I-“

Momo is at loss at words. Nayeon _knew_?

  
  


“Sana, that’s not t-“

  
  


“Don’t lie to me”, she snaps, but her voice breaks. “Don’t try to fool yourself, Momo. Nayeon doesn’t deserve that.”

(Sana covers her mouth when she starts crying.)

  
  


“We all don’t.”

  
  


  
  


  
  


**epilogue**

  
  


It’s has been a month since Sana, Nayeon and Momo parted ways, and technically, Momo’s mind knows, but her body hasn’t received the note yet.

So when she wakes up, still sleepy, her hand reaches for Sana’s until she remembers Sana’s gone. (Back to Japan. She doesn’t have her people in Korea anymore.)

  
  


It has been a year.

Momo still can’t bring herself to spend Sunday’s with someone who isn’t Nayeon.

  
  


It has been forever, and Momo’s eyes are black.


End file.
